My brother Mark turned 37 this week, and for one month will be “the same age” as I am, until I turn 38 next month.  The kids reminded us of what’s really important about birthdays though.

OOSEUNG (age 4): “What are we getting for Uncle Mark’s birthday?”

AMY (age “24″): “We’re just taking him out to lunch and visiting.”

SUN SU (age 6): “What about his present?”

AMY: “When you get older Sun Su,  you don’t need presents”

SUN SU (confidently): “When I’m older, I’ll still want presents.”

AMY: “That’s okay, Sun Su, but I’m just saying, when you grow up, getting presents won’t be as important to you. You’ll enjoy spending time with family and relatives more.”

SUN SU (in sad little boy voice): “I know but presents will still be important to me… still…  important… to me.”

ME (whispering): “Don’t worry. When you grow up, you can buy yourself your own presents. Whenever you want.”

That cheered him up.

II.

Shaking hands with a patient in the hospital.

OLD TEACHER WITH PNEUMONIA: “Cold hands, sign of a real doctor.”

ME: “… Thanks?”

OLD TEACHER WITH PNEUMONIA: “I used to be pre-med. But my counselor suggested against it. He said my handwritin’s too good and my hands are too warm. So I decided to try out teaching. For 35 years.”

ME: “Ha, wow. Long time.”

OLD TEACHER: “So doctor, you have kids?”

ME: “Yeah, ages four and six. Very fun age.”

OLD TEACHER: “That’s good. I used to teach second grade. That’s the best grade. Second graders stay cool.”

ME: “Yeah? Why’s that?”

OLD TEACHER:  “One day, one of my students told me, ‘Mr. Teach, Johnnie is messin’ up the floor.’ So I find little Johnnie and he was walking around, bleeding from a little cut on his head, messin’ up the floor.”

ME: “Was he okay?”

OLD TEACHER: “Oh sure, just got a couple stitches, but if that was first grade or third grade, those kids would have been whoopin’ and hollerin’.  But second graders, they stay cool.”

ME: “I’ll remember that for next year.”

III.

Sorry I haven’t been posting much lately. I’ve been having too much fun in the wastelands of Fallout 3 (quite possibly my favorite game ever – really, this time!). But you probably already know that (and are bored of hearing about it) if you are from here or here.

IV.

School portraits came back this month.

Sun Su has the same first grade smile I had.  Ooseung, who usually has a huge open-mouth smile and LOVES school, looks positively pissed off for some reason.  My little angry cutey. I don’t understand where this face comes from as I’ve never really seen it, but I adore it. Her left eye gets narrower when she’s mad, as evidenced in the photo too.

This is the picture from last year.  This one was weird because I could hardly recognize Ooseung in this one.  She’s adoreable but I’ve never seen this face expression on her ever.  Amy says it’s her scared look.  She was three at the time.

The pictures do not lie though.  Sun Su is mild, shy, and curious – like me.  Ooseung is a loud firecracker with a temper – like her mom.

Grand Theft Auto IV has been out for a day now, and I’ve already found a video of all the hookers and strippers (getting shot) in it.

Not safe for work … unless you work where Rick works, I guess.

Personally, I’m waiting for the follow-up to Bikini Karate Babes.

Nothing beats the ingenious sexual submission holds in Rumble Roses XX though. Come on, grappling, fetish suits, and gratuitous crotch shots (an oxymoron in my book) – they should be making yearly installments of this game rather than all those Madden clones. Some of the armbars have good form, and I actually used one of the judo takedowns in the game on the mat once (not any of the holds pictured, you pervs).

I’m still pissed that the carpet cleaners misplaced my copy of Dead Or Alive 4. I was still working on those achievements, man. How many gamerpoints is an upskirt bicycle kick worth again?

I have no idea why I like the pixellated maw muffins so much when I’ve got the best imagineable version at home. I generally chalk it up to nature just making men stupid like that, as if every other set of breasts (even virtual ones) triggers some evolutionary reset button in our midbrain, making us act like we’ve never seen such motorboat-worthy mammesmorizers before. It doesn’t take much to divert half of our intellect resources at any time to the thought of paw pillows. It probably took someone an inordinate amount of time just to think of these breast euphemisms *cough*.

Still, if Amy walked around the house in a bikini all day, I wouldn’t miss the games nearly as much. Even covered up, they’re pretty nice comforters. In a strangely comforting “someone cares enough to let me rest here” kind of way. Peace is a warm welcoming bosom. (But tits on a zombie are worthless. Sorry, I just wanted to say that. Once.)

Hold on to your sacks of polyhedral dice. I am about to geek out on you 1980′s style, back when geek wasn’t cool.

Normally I would never post a Which Character Are You quiz, but I have a few reasons for doing so this time.

1) This quiz will create a Dungeons & Dragons character for you based on your answers. You know you’ve always wanted one or several or at least wondered what the heck is that game. And as anyone who has ever played a paper and pencil roleplaying game can tell you, the character creation part is the most exciting part. This quiz is pretty comprehensive.

2) Gary Gygax, the creator of Dungeons & Dragons, the man with a name fit for any wizard, died last week. While I never had a desire to meet him, his rulebooks did shape my thinking, my drawing, my studying, and the way I look at things to this day. They stretched my creativity to the limits, but they also made me respect The Rules. I remember many a night (in middle school no less) actually having a headache and brain fatigue from trying to create a better fantasy world for my group’s next big adventure. (Oh, the weight of the Dungeon Master’s robe is heavy.) This quiz honors him. May Gygax the Great shake Bigby’s Grasping Hand and dance Otto’s Irresistible Dance in Mordenkainen’s Magnificent Mansion.

3) Come on, even Amy, my practical-based reality-anchored no-nonsense wife did the entire quiz. There’s got to be 1 or 2 of you who can do it too.

Anyways, it’s a long quiz, sorry, and will easily soak up 15 minutes, so I’ll understand if you just aren’t geek enough to find your inner adventurer.

Which D&D Character Are You?

My results (and my comments in red):

SCOTT is a: Lawful Neutral Human Wizard – 5th Level

Ability Scores: (10 is average, 18 is the highest)
Strength-14
Dexterity-16 (I’d settle for 14)
Constitution-15 (this should be 12)
Intelligence-15 (can I switch a point of Constitution or Charisma for a 16 here?)
Wisdom-14
Charisma-10 (True. I want no part of leadership.)

Alignment:
Lawful Neutral A lawful neutral character acts as law, tradition, or a personal code directs him. Order and organization are paramount to him. He may believe in personal order and live by a code or standard, or he may believe in order for all and favor a strong, organized government. Lawful neutral is the best alignment you can be because it means you are reliable and honorable without being a zealot (unless you bring up the C for Corea thing of course). However, lawful neutral can be a dangerous alignment because it seeks to eliminate all freedom, choice, and diversity in society. (I’m not quite that lawful. The second time I took the test, I got Neutral. A little Chaotic is good, as long as you’re still polite.)

Race:
Humans (most but not all people get this) are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Class:
Wizards (YESS!!) are arcane spellcasters who depend on intensive study to create their magic. To wizards, magic is not a talent but a difficult, rewarding art. When they are prepared for battle, wizards can use their spells to devastating effect. When caught by surprise, they are vulnerable. The wizard’s strength is her spells, everything else is secondary. She learns new spells as she experiments and grows in experience, and she can also learn them from other wizards. In addition, over time a wizard learns to manipulate her spells so they go farther, work better, or are improved in some other way. A wizard can call a familiar- a small, magical, animal companion that serves her (rest in peace … The LIGER!). With a high Intelligence, wizards are capable of casting very high levels of spells.

Amy got this:

AMY is a: Neutral Good Human Bard (5th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength-11
Dexterity-13
Constitution-12
Intelligence-15
Wisdom-14
Charisma-16 (That’s my baby)

Alignment:
Neutral Good – A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias for or against order. However, neutral good can be a dangerous alignment because because it advances mediocrity by limiting the actions of the truly capable.

Race:
Humans

Class:
Bards often serve as negotiators, messengers, scouts, and spies. They love to accompany heroes (and villains) to witness heroic (or villainous) deeds firsthand, since a bard who can tell a story from personal experience earns renown among his fellows. A bard casts arcane spells without any advance preparation, much like a sorcerer. Bards also share some specialized skills with rogues, and their knowledge of item lore is nearly unmatched. A high Charisma score allows a bard to cast high-level spells. (Amy didn’t really understand the whole bard thing but I think it’s a good fit in some sense. She likes to do funny spontaneous dances and she is disarmingly funny.)

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?

Please post your results in the comments or post it on your own site and leave your link in the comments. I’d really like to see who’s in our adventuring party.