Just the ladies chatting (as told to me by Amy).

AMY:  “Last week, Ooseung told me that one of her classmates has two moms.  Then she asked why can’t they find someone to get married to.”

BABYSITTING COUSIN:  “Wha?  Hahaha, unni….”  (covers mouth and laughs)

AMY’S MOM:  “That’s not funny.  In Corean newspapers, there’s more and more single moms because the husbands are leaving them these days.”

AMY:  “Umma!  That’s not the poin–”

AMY’S MOM:  “That’s why you have to wear more makeup and feed your husband every day.  Or else he’ll find a prettier nurse at work.”

BABYSITTING COUSIN:  “Halmoni, Scott wouldn’t cheat.”

AMY:  “Pfft.  Yeah, he wouldn’t.  Scott likes me just like this.”

AMY’S MOM:  “Ahhh, you don’t know about these things.  More makeup and feed him everyday.  You never know.”

—–

Different day.  Different grandma.

AMY:  “You know what your mom told me today?”

ME:  “Uh oh.  That you treat our son like a stepchild?”

AMY:  “What?!”

ME:  “Oh, nevermind.  That’s what she said to me about you, haha!  What did she tell you?”

AMY:  “I was pouring half and half cream into my coffee and she said it was going to make me fat.”

ME:  “Wow.  Didn’t your alcoholic cousin say the same thing at your mom’s birthday last weekend?”

AMY:  “No, he said if I ate that donut hole, I’d get fat.”

ME:  “Just the hole, not the entire donut?  I see a theme here.”

AMY:  “I told him he should eat the whole box then and he shut up.”

ME:  “My lazy mom and your malnutritioned alky cousin are telling you about nutrition.  That’s great.”

AMY:  “Like they know anything.”

ME:  “Whatever you do, don’t start wearing makeup the way your mom does.”

—–

While driving by Amy’s parents’ house, something occurred to me about my tough yet beloved wife.

ME:  “Do you have any good memories of you and your dad?”

AMY:  “Like what?”

ME:  “Like anything.  Any good time or moment you shared with him.  Ever.”

AMY:  “Hmm….  My mom told me that when I was born, he was so mad that I was another girl, he threw the money down on the cashier’s desk (back in Corea) and didn’t look back.  My mom got a hysterectomy after that.”

ME:  “Haha!  I remember you told me that.  Threw the money down, that’s a good one  … No, that’s not good.”

AMY:  “I remember growing up, he got so mad at me once, he threw my TV set out of our second-story window.”

ME:  “I wouldn’t do that with our flatscreen.”

AMY:  “Now he laughs about it and asks how many TVs do I have in my house now?”

ME:  “I read that as a man gets older, his testosterone drops and his prolactin rises.”

AMY:  “You told me that before.”

ME:  “This is why it’s common for grandpas to treat their grandchildren a lot nicer than their own children.  It’s hormonal.”

AMY:  “That won’t be hard to do.  My mom didn’t start hugging us until I was an adult and even now, it’s still awkward.”

ME:  “Really?  I thought the hugging problem was just me.”

AMY:  “They’ve still never said they love us.  That’s why I tell the kids I love them every day.”

ME:  “I don’t think I tell them everyday but I hug and kiss them every day so they can feel it.”

AMY:  “…”

ME:  “So, you can’t think of one single good time you had with your father, ever?”

AMY:  “Once.  It snowed a lot and I piled up all the snow to make an igloo.  I was digging inside and it was taking forever.  Then my dad came out and starting digging too and we got done really fast.  That was the one good time.”

That explained a lot, actually.