(”Appah” means “dad” in Corean)
AMY: “I just got a call from someone saying they are out of … Episode 2 costumes, but they have Episode 3. I have no idea what that means.”
ME: “Damn, I really wanted the Episode 2 suit. Tell them the Episode 3 is fine then.”
I’m going to surprise Sun Su at his birthday this weekend by dressing up as a clone trooper.
I hope I can find a DC-15A Blaster Rifle by then.
(I didn’t get dressed up for Ooseung’s birthday but Amy looks a lot better in a Hello Kitty costume than I do.)
It’s a strange irony that having kids has actually made me more of a nerd now than before. On the other hand, I don’t doubt that Sun Su will notice the inconsistencies between the flimsy retail costumes and the actual movie versions.
(Episode 2 and 3 trooper costumes below.)
THE APPAH STRIKES BACK
I walked Sun Su to the bus stop this morning. We raced and then had fun kicking the dandelions while we waited.
As the bus arrived, the next-door neighbor kid (a couple years older), jostled Sun Su out of the way in line. Sun Su clearly didn’t like it. I’ve felt sorry for the big kid before because the rest of the neighborhood doesn’t really like him due to his behavior. I like to think that with a little attention and correction, he’s still salvageable. But this situation flipped my mean switch fast, for a number of reasons:
1) This is the second time he’s done this to Sun Su, in front of me, no less. I berated him then as well.
2) His mother was RIGHT THERE (on her cellphone), and she didn’t even say anything.
3) I was there when I was Sun Su’s age.
“Billy, why do you keep doing that? Why are you taking cuts again?” I asked with metered rage.
“Well, he was looking in his backpack and …,” I’ve heard this kid lie to his parents in a split-second before. He’s definitely quick.
“What does that have to do with anything? With you pushing other kids around? Again?”
“We’re just playin’….”
“Look at Sun Su’s face, does he LOOK like he’s playing? Did you hear him say NO? Why are you like this, Billy? You’re not allowed to sit with anyone anyways because of the way you act. So tell me again WHY ARE YOU TAKING CUTS?”
I wanted to traumatize him. Leave a big childhood scar across his memory that hurt every time he decided to pick on someone who was weaker. I wanted to bully the bully.
I’m not proud of it, but there it is.
His mom finally took notice and asked, “Billy, what’s going on?”
After the bus left, she sort of apologized, “He doesn’t know what he’s doing. We’re trying.”
I just smiled, “That’s okay.” I had nothing else to say that wouldn’t be perceived as an insult. I know their hands are full with their teenaged daughters.
Sun Su is gentle, sweet, shy - practically a clone of myself at that age. He doesn’t raise his hand in anger. He doesn’t raise his voice either. We try to teach him how to speak up, but again, he’s like I was, so I already know how that will go. Someday I’ll teach him how to defend himself against bullies, because in the real world, words don’t always work if the bully is bigger than you.
I love the fact that he’s like me, a little Boba to my Jango Fett, (as well as how much Ooseung is like Amy), but I don’t think he needs to grow up with the same internalized anger issues I had (or have). Maybe it’s genetic inevitability or environmental fate. Am I intervening too much or too little? Everyone has their opinion, but when it’s your kid, can you ever really know?
It’s like that time travel question, “What would you do if you could go back in time and meet your younger self?” I already know and I did exactly that.
I just want to be there.
