Amy is standing in front of the bathroom mirror engrossed in her skin care voodoo program when I walk in.

I pat her ass.

“Do you like getting spanked, babe?” I ask.

“NO!” she answers.

“Me neither. I don’t really get the whole spanking thing,” I ponder, “Maybe people who get off on it were spanked as kids.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Amy replies.

“Sure it does. Punished as children. They grow up and twist it around until it becomes nostalgic and kinky,” I state my bathroom hypothesis/supervillain origin. Or maybe it’s part of the whole dominance/submission package. I don’t care for the game much but I LOVE the uniforms.

How much of your childhood shapes your adult sexuality? A lot, I would guess from personal experience, even without Freud’s bias. I remember as a child picking at my mom’s pantyhose when she would walk by. They were so inexplicably alien … and female. I remember the cover of the first nudie magazine I saw that didn’t come out of the trash dumpster. The covergirl wore an officer’s cap with red glossy lips and a black leather jacket covering her femalien curves. Fuzzy vaseline lens make cheap magic. I actually kissed the cover. I remember babysitting for some Corean tenants in my father’s apartment when I was nine? A flash second of the mother’s powder white breast as she leaned over. Did she know I saw it? The shame. The wonder and exhilaration. The last real breast I would see in person until college.

And of course, there were the girls in my favorite comic book at that time (pre-Elementals era) - the Micronauts - green and bug-eyed (above), fierce and acrobatic (see pic at end of entry). In childhood are the seeds of sexuality. An unnerving thought sometimes.

“If that were true, then I would like being chased around the house and beat with a fly swatter and a wooden spoon, and I don’t,” Amy had a very Corean childhood.

True, Amy did end up marrying a guy who treats her pretty much the opposite of how her father and brother did.

“What websites have you been visiting now?” she asks.

“I haven’t, babe. Just been wondering about it for a while.”

I do the sexy-time eyebrow gesture.

She sighs in exasperation and ignores me, right on cue. It tickles me.

Ah, rejection. Makes me feel like a naughty little schoolboy.

…………………………………………

Sun Su would have loved dueling with this guy.

Erika’s got some cute new digs.

This Grey’s Anatomy/House parody is funny because it’s true. (From Katie)