Just a few things some of my hospital patients have said lately:

Forty year old woman: “I’m not worried about the cancer coming back.  Been through that already.   I’m over the fear.  I’m lucky; some people never get over it.”

Fifty-year old woman: “BRA-A-I-N surgery tomorrow.  They shaved all these patches out of my hair for these weird stickers.  My hair just started growing back too.”

Sixty-year old man:  “Heh, I love when you guys say that, ‘That’s the LEAST of your problems.’”

Eighty-year old woman: “I was on that boat in New York where all those seniors died.  Lost twenty of my friends.  Then I had a heart attack while on a cruise ship and I had the sick bay to myself the whole time.  God likes kickin’ me around.”

(Or maybe he’s telling you to stay off boats.)

Eighty-year old woman: “We’re retired.  We’re taking some time to rest and relax before it’s time for The Big Rest.”

Ninety-year old man: “At my age, if you wake up with vertigo and nausea, that’s a GOOD day.”

——————–

I also got a haircut today (it’s going to be that kind of blog).

This should be an ID badge or drivers license photo, not a blog pic.

Warning: Graphic video of a 40-year old half-naked male vlogger who did not use sunscreen (because it’s “too slimey”).   You’ve been warned.

Late addendum:  This is the video of our day at the beach on Memorial Day (no half-naked me this time, I promise). Mostly the kids playing in the mud to The Killers (one of Amy’s favorite songs), but I had a lot of fun editing it to the song.

Sorry, it’s been a while.

Wish I could say more, especially to the few who still come around here, but I just spent way too long with this video blog below and I haven’t slept yet since my shift last night (up all night at work, if you know what I mean). I just haven’t been in the journaling mood these past few months. “Social networking killed the blogging star,” blah blah. I do miss writing but I don’t miss worrying about overexposing myself or being exposed to the wrong person in the wrong place. Maybe later. The days of the Alone Rangers are all gone now. Now everyone can be found, for better or for worse.

The video blogging thing is a fun change of pace though. I’ve also started a family album of videos online (the boring kind), to look back on as the kids get older.

Such is the decade of transparency.  We can see so much of the world around us but it’s still hard to find our own path. I wonder about people who never do… all the time. I met a guy yesterday who quit his job at fifty and decided to do what he loves – sell wine. Finally, someone who is actually winning.

For the score of you who have stuck around for the past one to fourteen years, this is what I look, act and sound like, sort of. (Serious eyebags though, I’ve been staying up late all week.)

My first video blog.

Family album stuff

Wait, my voice doesn’t really sound like that, does it?

Now I should sleep.

Or maybe later.

“This is the year I get a girlfriend.”

That was my usual end of summer resolution, my solemn vow before the school year started again and again.  Sometimes I’d say it to myself, sometimes to my brother as we contemplated the have-kissed versus the have-not-kissed and why we were still in the latter group.  “This year, I am going to talk to that brown-haired girl or that black-haired girl or that blonde-haired girl,” I’d rally myself.  Could it really be that much harder than rolling a “natural 20″ on a 20-sided dragon die?  Because I’ve done that.  Twice in one day, even.

So yeah, one of the most important lessons in high school was that resolutions almost never work.  At least, not in a single year much less a really bold but soon deflating first day back in high school.

It’s better to look at all the good things you’ve accomplished for yourself in the past year.  The things you want to continue.  Or the things you want to start.  As for the bad things, I try to focus on what I learned, appreciated, or got out of it, or just the fact that I got out of it at all.  Easy for me to say though; I didn’t go through whatever you did.

Most of this year felt like I was in a holding pattern or a holding cell more likely, studying for my medical board exam all fucking year.  I passed (19% of people failed it this year, by the way).  According to my score breakdown, I am an expert in kidney beans, internal plumbing, and pee-holes but should always ALWAYS consult an oncologist in cancer cases – well, DUH!

Other things I got out of 2010:

• Went to Comic Con San Diego for the first time (in July 2010).  Fun, hectic, gigantic pain in the ass.  (Mostly because I was hitting the treadmill in the morning before the convention.)

• Turned 40.

• Exercise epiphanies:  I quit Brazilian Jiu Jitsu the past year, which I have mixed feelings about, partly due to my board studying but also because the schedule took prime homework time away from me and the kids.  I learned to exercise more at home (80% at home, 20% at gym).  At Comic Con, oddly enough, I boosted my running to the next level.  To stave off boredom now, I bump the speed level up every couple of minutes (4 is walking, 5 is jogging, 6, 7, 8 is running, 9 is trying not to fly backwards off of the treadmill).

• I discovered kettlebell weights while in San Diego too.  Nice for variety.  (Boring for blog entries.)

• Reconnected with old friends and/or relatives this year.  Word of the year for me:  REFRIEND.

• I got hemorrhoids.  The last time I want to mention this.  Promise.

• I came to really appreciate the relaxing properties of baths.

• Started drawing again.  (Those portraits I’ve been posting.)

• Started reading for fun again.

• Started WRITING!  (Just got back on the happy train last night after a 16-month mental block/layoff.  Technically this started in the new year, but I’ve been greasing the wheels for a while.)

• Started going to Corean church monthly.  (Mostly for the kids’ Corean language classes.)

• Dusted off my Corean language books a bit.

• Came to realize that yes after forty years, I need to wear a warm hat in winter.  And gloves.  And pajama bottoms.  Maybe slippers.  (Womanly Wisdom: 1, Manly Machismo: 0 )

• Also realized that I may actually like the art of dance choreography as much as fight choreography.  (Manly Machismo: -1 ?)

• Bonded more with my little boy, through gaming strategies, Calvin & Hobbes insights, and inquisitive heart-to-heart questions.

• Bonded more with my little girl, through bad jokes, big laughs, and quiet smiles.

• Rediscovered joy from cute/sexy K-pop music for better or for worse.  (Still can’t stand the R&B, ballads, rapping, or boy bands though.)

• Got a nice car to replace my prematurely busted up one.  And in alien girl green too!

• Cooked a little (which is a lot for me) – French toast and chocolate chip pancakes!  (Not on the same day though.)

As far as resolutions for the coming year, mine are pretty simple:

• Draw more – Already started.
• Write more – Already started.
• Read more – Already started.
• Exercise regularly – I’ve got half a mind to overhaul my diet but maybe next year.
• Spend more family time.
• Um… game … less….   The key to unlocking all of the above.

Amy’s resolutions:

• Exercise more
• Be more patient.

To which I replied, “Have you beaten the kids yet?  No?  Then you are as patient as any mother can be.”

As for my perennial high school resolution, I eventually got a girlfriend.  Two of them, in fact.  Not on the same day, though.  Not while I was in high school either.

………………………………….

Portait of Scott Yoong (a.k.a. Shuey).

“What time is your grandfather’s ghost supposed to be at your mom’s house?” I asked Amy as I stumbled into the bathroom.

“8:30.  We’re late,” she answered, touching up in the mirror.

“Ghosts eat breakfast, why not lunch?  Or dinner?  Snacks?”

“He comes in the morning, that’s it.  Are you coming?”

“No.”

I missed last year’s Corean New Year’s.  And the year before.  Maybe the year before that too.  Sometimes I’d miss it because of work.  Sometimes because of rest.  Traditionally it’s on the first day of the lunar new year (Seollal), but some celebrate on January 1st, or both days, or not at all these days.  Amy generally is not very religious or superstitious but despite my irreverant critical analyses, she takes the grandfather’s ghost thing seriously.  I guess somebody has to.

When I saw my little girl in her beautiful hanbok (with a matching pink Nintendo DS in her hands), I had a change of heart.

“Do I have time for a shower?”

The front door to Amy’s parents’ house was left ajar to let the grandparent ghosts in.  Inside, old photos of the grandmother and grandfather (on the father’s side) rested on a table with Corean food and incense sticks.  A cousin visiting from Corea was there, otherwise it was just our family, her parents, and her brother’s family.  And the ghosts.

As Amy’s older brother lit the incense sticks (the international symbol for faux Asian mysticism), I did have some appreciation for the tradition.  Or more accurately, as in life, for the fragility of it all.  I vaguely remember twice as many relatives coming to these things years ago.  Amy’s parents, while amazing for their age, are up there in years, the nieces will be in college in a few years.  This year we didn’t even have our usual Christmas gathering because of conflicting obligations and schedules.  I wonder how much longer this will continue.

Their kids read a short passage from the Bible (their own modern twist).  We sat in silence as “great-grandma and great-grandpa ghost” ate their food.  Someone said a prayer, then we waited.  I held the kids tight in case they wondered what part of this was real and what wasn’t.

Afterwards, we took turns bowing before Amy’s parents for money.

Then they made their annual visit to the grandparents’ graves (the ashes were shipped from Corea by their dad).

On the way home, Amy said,

“How do they know the ashes really belonged to our grandparents?”

“We just ‘ate breakfast with your grandpa’s ghost’ and you’re questioning that part?” I replied.

“They were shipped from Corea.  Could be anybody’s ashes.  They don’t care.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” I said.

Some care.  Some don’t.  Some just have to.  I wonder which I am sometimes.

………………………………..

Below is my drawing of friend, reader, and journaler, KP.  I hear that her kids approved too.